


Hold You Close

by Carmenlire



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Immortality Angst, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmenlire/pseuds/Carmenlire
Summary: Sometimes his heart feels fit to bursting. It’s like a vise gripping his chest and Magnus wonders how he’ll ever recover when it’s gone. Every morning that Magnus wakes up before Alec, he turns carefully and spends long minutes--ages, but never long enough-- watching Alec sleep.Or, Magnus falls in love with Alec every morning.





	Hold You Close

Sometimes his heart feels fit to bursting. It’s like a vise gripping his chest and Magnus wonders how he’ll ever recover when it’s gone.

He wakes up in the morning and Alec is right there next to him. He’s taken to only going into the Institute in the afternoons, lingering with Magnus in the mornings over coffee and waffles.

_I did my time_ , he says with a grin. _Let the younger shadowhunters climb out of bed at the ass crack of dawn_.

Every morning that Magnus wakes up before Alec, he turns carefully and spends long minutes-- _ages_ , but never long enough-- watching Alec sleep. His husband teases him mercilessly when he wakes up and sees golden eyes peering back at him but Magnus knows that it’s all for show.

So, Magnus spends most mornings sleepy and content, sharing a pillow with Alec. He sees the fine lines that bracket his love’s full mouth and brushes a careful thumb over the wrinkles at the corner of his eye. They’ve been together for sixty years in August and Alec is still a handsome man. He might not be able to wield a bow and his fingers might be a little clumsy when he still insists on painting Magnus’s nails, but he’s still the man that kissed him like both their lives depended on it so long ago. 

He’s still the man that tolerates Magnus’s horrendous puns and pretends he doesn’t know that Magnus fixes every single meal he ever attempts.

It’s a winter morning, bright sunshine pouring into their bedroom and all at once, Magnus is struck by the sheer depth of feeling he has for the man laying beside him. He didn’t know it was possible to fall in love each and every day. Alec regularly annoys the shit out of him and he has more flaws than Magnus can count but that just adds to the package. Alec isn’t perfect but he tries so hard and Magnus has found a stillness in Alec that he could never have dreamed possible-- that he didn’t think existed for him.

Alec will be eighty three in a few months and Magnus feels grief rolling over him in an inexorable wave. He buries it-- has gotten damned good at ignoring it. 

They don’t talk about it. They both agreed ages and ages ago that they would enjoy the time they had together, however long fate decreed. Magnus knows that they’ve been more fortunate than most but he knows he could have lifetimes and millennia and a goddamn eternity with Alexander and it would never be enough.

Surprisingly, Alec had been sanguine about the whole process. Magnus had been delighted as Alec had turned into one hell of a silver fox, aging like fine wine. Alec had teased him about liking older men and Magnus just rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t help but pull Alec a little closer with a private grin when the two of them went out and people eyed his husband with an appreciative gaze.

Magnus lets out a quiet breath as his gaze roves over Alec. He sees two timelines that break his heart in different ways-- Alec, laughing with dark, messy hair and in the prime of his life.

Alec, who likes hard candy and wears sweaters in July and still has the power to bring Magnus to his knees with sentimental declarations that would sound wrong coming from anyone else.

Magnus loves the man in front of him with everything he has. He doesn’t know what he’ll do when the morning comes when he turns around and Alec’s no longer with him.

He feels a searing grief already for the Magnus that lives after Alec.

He can’t think about that though, Magnus thinks as he shifts forward, brushing a kiss over Alec’s cheek. He can’t, refuses to ruin what they’ve worked so long and hard to build by giving in to the inevitable before he has to.

When Alec opens his eyes, still the same clear hazel that Magnus has lost himself in dozens of times, Magnus smiles and reaches for his hand, the skin papery and fingers gnarled with age.

“Good morning, my darling,” Magnus whispers and laughs quietly as Alec shuffles until he can tuck his head under Magnus’s chin.

“Morning,” Alec yawns. He shivers. “It’s damned cold, isn’t it?”

Clearing his throat, Magnus hums in agreement even as he feels like it’s a fucking furnace in their bedroom.

He relaxes into the sheets, holding Alec as close as he can, refusing to let up his grip as he feels time falling through his fingers like so much sand.

_He has enough strength for the both of them_ , Magnus thinks a little wildly. He’ll hold on until he has nothing left to hold on to.

He kisses Alec’s hair and breathes in his husband.

He imprints this memory onto his heart like the thousands of others he’s accumulated over the years.

He falls in love with Alec for the millionth time and wonders how long he has left before his heart shatters to dust.

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on tumblr or twitter @carmenlire!


End file.
